Bear Necessities

Bear Country

The possibility of a human being mauled or killed by a bear is extremely rare; almost as rare as being attacked by a shark, which is less common than being struck by lightning. Around the world there are roughly 40 attacks by bears each year, and only 11 of those occur in the US, mostly in Alaska, but also in parts of Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming. 

Rarity, however, should not be interpreted as impossibility. Attacks do happen, and if you are hiking or camping in bear country you have two choices: you can mitigate the possibility of an attack, or you can encourage it. 

(Grizzly Bear with Some Things to Tell You)

Let’s go ahead and assume that your desire to be feasted upon or to have your head popped like a melon is minimal, and that you would prefer to enjoy your time outdoors free of molestation by the creatures that live there. To that end, here are some basic do’s and don’ts regarding venturing into bear country.

No Sneaking Off

If you plan to spend some leisure time in bear country, don’t keep it a secret. Inform someone, particularly someone who is likely to care if you turn up missing, where you are going. If you are killed or crippled by Not-so-Gentle Ben, you might find it advantageous to have someone come and find you. That way they can properly dispose of your remains, or rescue you, before everything from other bears, to coyotes, to ravens, dines on you, perhaps while you’re still alive, and all you can do is lay there bleeding and wishing that they weren’t.

If your travels take you to a national park, it’s likely that you will find a campground or a trail register, like a guest book at the planet’s least annoying wedding. Sign them. Again, this is so you can be located in the event you don’t show up for boardgame night.

(Big Grizzly. On Its Way.)

Ursine Attitudes

Bears generally don’t want to be around humans, and will usually get away from us as quickly and unobtrusively as possible. It has often been said that you won’t see a bear unless it wants to be seen.

There are times, though, when they find us to be annoying intruders who need to be slapped around and/or energetically chewed on. Most of the time this happens when they are guarding a carcass or if they are females protecting cubs. But sometimes attacks happen simple because bears, like people, have individual temperaments, and some of them are just cranky.

When You’re Hiking and You Know It Clap Your Hands

One of the best ways to keep bears, especially the cranky ones, from taking out their frustrations on you is to let them know you’re coming by making some noise.

Singing is a good idea; and don’t be shy, the strategy probably works even better if you have a crappy voice. You could also whistle; perhaps a happy hiking ditty, or an occasional prolonged blare, like a football coach getting his team’s attention. Hell, even clapping your hands every so often isn’t a terrible idea.

(Bear, Undeterred by Water)

Another popular tactic is to attach a string of bells to your belt or backpack. Bells are a foreign sound in the wilderness, so unless you happen upon a bear who hates Christmas or Catholicism you should be good to go.

And lastly, don’t hike or camp alone. A bear is dramatically less likely to beat up on two people.

Reading Is Fundamental

Most American wilderness areas are maintained by the National Park Service (NPS), which does a good job posting informational signs around campgrounds and trailheads, including signs that warn visitors about dangerous wildlife in the area.

If a sign says something like “Bear Activity Seen in Area,” or “Closed Due To Bear Activity,” do yourself a solid and, you know, don’t go there. Wildlife officers and park rangers didn’t put the signs up for shits and giggles. They put them up because they prefer live visitors to dead ones. The NPS has been sued by the families of victims enough times that they now have strict protocols in place to help keep guests as safe as possible.

("The Forest is Mine, Dipshit!")

Another really good idea is to stay on the damn trail. Park trails are usually well-worn, and bears recognize them as sites frequented by humans, and avoid them. It isn’t safe to go galumphing off into the woods. The ground is more difficult to traverse (except for bears), and if you get mauled, or die from an excess removal of limbs, it’s much more difficult for a search party to find you.

It’s also easier to run away down a well-used trail. Not that running away will do you much good. Contrary to the movies, where people are able to outdistance a pursuing bear, real bears will catch you in about six steps. They are incredibly strong and incredibly fast. A black bear, in fact, can climb up a tree faster than a human can run the same distance along a flat surface. If a bear is intent on catching someone, not even Usain Bolt could get away.

(Black Bear, Wondering if It Might Prefer You Over Salmon)

Appetite for Destruction

Bears have a powerful sense of smell. Biologists believe that a bear can smell something as small as a granola bar – in someone’s pocket – from better than 100 yards away.

At your campsite, make sure all food that might tempt a bear (which is pretty much all food) is stored in a bear bag, and that you suspend the bag from a tree branch that is higher off the ground than a bear can reach by standing on its hind legs. Keeping food in coolers, or the trunk of your car, or in a metal footlocker isn’t good enough. Even a small bear could take apart a cooler in seconds, and a footlocker in less than a minute. We aren’t exactly talking about Yogi and Boo-Boo swiping pic-a-nic baskets.

(FYI - Not Real Bears)

Here’s a quick story to further illustrate that last point. Some years ago, a group of weekend hunters left a Snickers bar overnight in the glove compartment of their SUV. When they returned to the vehicle the next day they found that it had been utterly destroyed.

All of the windows were broken, doors were ripped off their hinges, seats were mangled, all of the tires – including the spare – were flat, and the part of the dashboard with the glove compartment had been entirely, forcibly removed. The bear had dismembered an $60,000 SUV just to get a snack that it probably swallowed, wrapper and all, without even chewing.

Just imagine what one might do to a cooler full of hamburger patties…

("Hey buddy. Got Anything to Nosh?")

Bear Necessities

If the worst happens, and you find yourself under attack by a bear, there are some things you’ll want to consider.

Broadly speaking, attacks by grizzly bears are motivated by two things: territoriality or protecting cubs. An attack by a black bear, on the other hand, almost always has to do with predation. And the same thing can be said about polar bears, one of the few animals on earth that views humans food, since chow in the far north is hard to come by.

We’ve all heard the stories about “playing dead” if a bear jumps you, or dropping to the ground in a fetal position with your hands clasped over your neck and head. In the case of grizzly bears these are actually a pretty good ideas. Once a grizzly sees that you are subordinate to itself, it will many times leave it at that. 

(Very Wrong Place. Very Long Time)

Playing dead is not a very good idea when it comes to black bears or polar bears. Since their attacks, as mentioned, are usually driven by hunger, playing dead can sometimes suggest to the bear that you have given up and it is free to tuck in. If a black bear is attempting to gnaw on you, it’s time to fight. If you have a weapon, use it. And if you don’t, try punching the bear on its snout, kicking it, sticking your thumb in its eye, or anything else you can think of to make it give up and leave you alone.

You could try similar methods with a polar bear, but they are unlikely to prevent your demise. Those stupid Coke advertisements have convinced too many people that polar bears are adorable and cuddly. Polar bears are magnificent, stunningly beautiful animals, but they are, arguably, the largest and most dangerous land predators on the planet. Big ones can be five feet tall at the shoulders, and weigh nearly a thousand pounds, so punching one would be like punching a cinderblock, and just about as effective.

(Oh, Those Cuddly Polar Bears!)

In Summary

Encountering a bear in the wild is a rare and wonderful event that almost never ends in a violent confrontation (unless you’re a hunter, in which case I sort of…oh never mind). Enjoy your time in the great outdoors – hiking, camping, taking pictures – and if you’re lucky enough to see a bear, savor it as one of the best moments of your life.

Don’t get overly agitated about what might happen if you come across a bear. In all likelihood the only part of a bear you’ll see is its big ol’ furry butt as it runs away. But at the same time, pay attention to what’s going on around you. 

You might – just might – be happy that you did.

Cheers.

Sources and Additional Reading:

Herrero, Stephen. Bear Attacks: Their Causes and Avoidance. New York, L.P., 1985.

Kaniut, Larry. Alaska Bear Tales. Anchorage, AK, Alaska Northwest Books, 1983.

Kaniut, Larry. More Alaska Bear Tales. Anchorage, AK, Alaska Northwest Books, 1989 

Snow, Kathleen. Taken by Bear in Yellowstone. New York, L.P., 2016.